Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Dear Daddy ,

Dear Daddy ,

I love you ,  I can't believe it's been a year without you . I lost a part of myself the day you left .

I miss you're love and constant advice . Even though sometimes I didn't really pay attention to it . I look back on it now and see all the things you told me about life  .

You have always been there for me and I want to thank you for that . The first man I've ever loved . Thank you daddy for teaching so much .
Teaching me how to be independent .
Teaching me to be the strong woman i am today .
Thank you for breaking " Bro Code " and teaching what type of boys to stay away from . Even though sometimes I overlooked the things you told me and still got my heart broken . But you was alway there to pick up the pieces and help mend my broken heart . I remember my first heart break I called you in tears so confused about happened and with no judgment you stayed on the phone with me and listened to me pour out my little heart out .
Thank you daddy for keeping that Winnie the Pooh watch grandma bought me when I was a little girl . I wanted to wear it so bad when I was little but you wouldn't let me and all these years later  you had in its original box . Grandma gave it to me the day of your funeral and all I could do was cry you kept that watch for almost 20 years .
Daddy I know we didn't have the best of relationships we was far from the the perfect father - daughter relationship but I'm glad the last couple of years we grew closer than ever . Though we didn't talk everyday.    I cherished every moment we did . I still listen to your voicemails . Some may think it's crazy but hearing your voice is really calming .  I miss you so much old man . I really wish I could've seen you before you passed . To get one more hug , one more kiss. . I remembered as little girl laying on your chest and you singing me to sleep . ( sing off key may I add , I totally inherited your singing voice lol ) . But I wouldn't trade one of those off key moments for anything .

I remember my first day of high school you and mama was walking me in and I told you guys I didn't need you to and I walked off . But the minute I got around that corner and saw all those people the little girl in me  came out  and and went running to you and you held me hand and told me I got this .
You have always been one of my biggest cheerleaders . Even though I sometimes i took it as you being hard on me but as an adult I see you was just preparing me for the world .

Daddy I love you .
Today I choose not to be sad . I know you wouldn't have any of that . You would tell me to wipe the tears and not spend the day crying but celebrate your life and not focus on the sadness of the day but remember the good times .

I know I will see you again .
Love you Always and Forever 

Brittany Morgan 

Monday, July 6, 2015

Depression Is A Scary Thing !

Long time not talk , I know I've been gone for a while . I just stopped posting and I just wanted to update you on what's going on .

Depression is a scary thing . Not feeling motivated and sad all the time and sometimes I don't even know why . If it wasn't for work and having to pay my bills I wouldn't get out of bed most days . I feel like I'm always on the verge of tears  . I put on the mask to hide how I've really been feeling . But lately it hasn't been that well . I've been going on this personal downward spiral to no where .

I don't know what I'm doing in my life most days , just going with flow but no structure .
It's get so bad some days I could laying in bed and I know I have errands to run but I won't get up . In the back of head I tell myself to get up but the big weight on my chest ( my depression ) doesn't allow me to , I just lay there . Laying there in my thoughts .
I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me . And it took me talking to my brother to figure out what has been bothering  me .
I'm scared !
Scared something tragic is going to happen . The past two summers something tragic and life changing has happened to us and I guess my mind is already conditioned to expect something else to happen.
Spring 2013 our mother passed and Summer 2014 our  father passed . Who wouldn't expect something else would happen . And now with both of my grandmothers in the hospital my depression just went into overdrive .

Yesterday as I was getting ready for work . I stopped mid shower and started praying . I have to break this , feeling  this way is literally making me sick .

Then after my prayer I burst into song . One of my favorite praise and worship songs ( Jesus at the center )
Singing the chorus and having that one on one time with the lord . Is what I needed from the beginning . The devil has been working overtime trying keep me depressed .
But I have an amazing father , the king of kings walking me through this storm .

I've been feeling better but I'm not 100% . Its a daily struggle but I know with God by side I can do anything .

I'm not gonna promise daily post but I'm going to slowly work my way back this month and I have a lot of stuff for August already planned and written . Bare with me I promise you're gonna love it . I have some great reviews and a possible giveaway coming soon and of course more post about my dating/ personal life and a new series I can't wait to start for this new journey in my life .
Thank you for all the love and supports .

P.s : this is my blog's anniversary month . I can't believe it's almost 3 years I've been sharing my life and the things I love with you guys .

Brittany Morgan