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Tuesday, November 30, 2021

healing

I slept on the couch the first 3 days because I couldn't  take the tears and pain in a room where we made plans for our future .
The wedding we dreamed of together, the babies I named in my heart are all gone
My heart is in a million pieces  and crying has been a great outpour of emotions, finally allowing myself to be vulnerable
In the past I would ignore my feelings and go down a dark rabbit hole to "heal" myself
I refuse to let this hold me back from being open to love in the future
Giving myself the grace to grow and learn from this experience is key 
I've learned that invested time doesn't equal value.
Mourning the loss and the memories tainted by the last moments 
Constantly reminding myself  what’s meant to will be 
I was hesitant to write this post because that would be it the end of this chapter 
But I have to say goodbye  
The healing process has not been easy but I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel 
I’m thankful  for my amazing friends and family giving me the space and love to process this pain. 
Am I hurting? 
Yes 
Will I be ok?
 Yes 
Until next time….

Xoxo
Brittany Morgan 






Sunday, September 5, 2021

Opening Up

Getting use to the silence and focusing on me. My mental hasn’t been in the best of places and I usually just keep it to myself but this time I decided to reach out and hopefully have someone to finally listen. 

Big mistake! 

The first person I talked to face to face. It felt good to finally vent let out the emotions I kept bottled in tears started flowing out, but then I looked up. That person looked at me no emotions and just replied “ Ok”. I just sat there and finally opened. And the one person I thought would listen didn’t care. I just quickly dried my tears and walked away. But I didn’t give up I’m like some one has to listen right. I just wanted someone to tell how I was feeling was normal. So I waited a bit longer to build up the courage to try again. 

Epic Fail! 

I decided this time I’ll do it by text this time because face to face wasn’t an option. The conversation was going great and I finally mentioned feeling alone for a while and the reply was  “ mmm ok” 

What the Hell

I think they might have taken it as a personal attack but I was only talking about my mental health. I know they and I  haven’t talked as much this year as we did  in the past but I didn’t  think they would take my words personally, when I was only speaking about myself.

 For years I've been told that I was always closed off and I never let anyone in, and that true.

It has been so hard for me to open up when I couldn’t even trust the one person on this earth that should've had my back, it made it hard for me to trust anyone. 

My word has been use like weapons against to try to hurt me more

 I've decided to not let those two experinces keep me from trusting because I want be that closed off emotionless person anymore.

Today I woke up in a better place. Thanks to a great friend and a listening ear I feel great. I just needed someone to  listen, I just needed someone to care. I appreciate those in my life that are there for me.

xoxo

Brittany Morgan  




 

Friday, July 30, 2021

Our Vegas Angel




 I was recently talking to my brother and a friend about our previous Vegas trip.  And then I remembered our angel. I call her an angel because she saved our lives. Call me dramatic but she did. 

July 2019 my friends  and I went to Vegas and stayed at a pretty popular resort. I had only seen this place in pictures, it’s gorgeous. After finally getting checked in we made it up to our rooms. Beautiful rooms but we was slightly disappointed. We had asked for adjoining rooms  but after getting upstairs we quickly realized that not what we reserved. ( Owell first world problems) After freshening up we hit the strip for a quick bite to eat. We ended up  taking longer than expected and had to hurry back to the room to meet my friend/ trip roommate to let her in.


My friend and I went it went our room and quickly met with the group.  While in the hallway we exchanged pleasantries with the housekeeper, she asked if we needed anything and we told her we had just got there and we was fine and thanked her. As we continued our conversation , my friend and I mentioned how our hotel door took forever to close. 

Most doors close instantly but I could walk to the other side of the room and the door would still be cracked. And that’s when the housekeeper spoke up again. 

She informed us that we should ask for new rooms

Not even 24 hours before we arrived two women had been robbed in the room across the hall. They had been having door issues like us. The women had went out for a day on the strip and came back to nothing. They had got into their  room and took everything. They even found the car in the parking garage and took the car too.

We all instantly had a pit in our stomachs. We thanked her and went directly downstairs and asked  for new rooms. After a couple of exchanges with the manager and a few food vouchers later we had  new rooms. The new rooms were perfect, adjoining rooms and my brother’s room had a great view. 

Though I never saw the housekeeper again I still think about what she did for us.

Most people don’t speak up and it could truly change people lives. Yes, I know it was just a trip but this world is crazy and something could’ve happened.

I’m thankful she said something and we had a great trip because of her.

Our Vegas Guardian Angel 



Xoxo 

Brittany Morgan 

Wednesday, July 21, 2021

Dog Mom Life

 I love being a dog mom 

I never thought I would have another pet after being forced to give my cats away I was over having pets

The day I had to give away Tinkerbell and Gatsby was heartbreaking 

Getting Nola was a very unexpected but she's been my "pretty girl"

My friend asked me to join her at a loca fundraiser for a rescue she heard of

I instantly fell in love with a cute little chihuahua. She was mine the minute I picked her up

I had to have her. I had her name pick out and everything( Elle,after the character from legally blonde)

 Only two things was holding me back, my landlord and my brother 

In our lease dogs are not permitted but I remembered my  neighbor had and emotional support animal. I had no idea where to begin.

My brother was extremely scared of dogs but  I figured getting a small one he would agree to get one 

I wanted this dog, I needed this dog

I rushed over to my brother's job and showed him a picture of the dog

I think he saw the excitement in face and agreed to come meet Elle after work

He finally made it to the fundraiser to meet elle but another dog had his attention 

Nola Darling 

I never seen my brother so interested in a dog at one point he was on the ground playing with her

I knew she had to come home

The rescue owner allowed us to foster her for a week to see if it would be a good fit for all of us 

Once we got her home and she instantly went to her bed I knew she felt at home

Nola was my brother's birthday gift that year but we shortly realized who her owner truly was.

November of 2020 I got my second baby

My brother wanted a dog of his own since Nola had quickly attached to me

For months he asked for a second dog but after living through this pandemic I figured the home needed something new and Nola seemed really lonely at times

Sirius Black 

Yes, i named him after one of favorite Harry Potter characters

Sirius came in taking over

He was only 7 months old when he brough him home and unlike Nola he had no training

So i took on the role as trainer which bonded the two of us

So now I'm a Dog mom of 2 and I wouldn't have it any other way. 


xoxo 

Brittany Morgan

Monday, July 19, 2021

I'm Back

Long Time No Post

It feels good to say I am a full-blogger now

Sorry for the lack of content but get ready for multiple post a week

Currently the schedule will be Monday,Wednesday,Friday and an occasionally Saturday

I have a few series planned for the year and a few post I wrote that I still want to share 

I definitely need to catch your all up 


Work

I no longer work in hell

My employment there ended  due to having my second job but it was the best feeling ever

Weeks before being fired I was constantly getting sick mentally and physically,That place was draining me 

That job took so much out of me so when the store manager called me in her office to end my employment, a weight literally lifted off my shoulders

I couldn't help but smile, I was finally free

Free from the toxic work enviroment 

Free from the mistreatment 

Free from the stress

For months going to work was a chore

I would find myself having panic attacks the minute my alarm would go off for work 

That place was literal hell on earth

I'm sure til this day the manager thought I was crazy because I happily handed them my work items and left smile and for once felt some peace

You shouldn't have cry your whole drive to work

I would throw up on a daily basis before work because of the stress

I'm thankful to no longer be in the enviroment

I still do have a job but it allows me the freedom to write more and focus on my dreams

Love Life

Dating is GHETTO

Dating in the era of hook up culture is not for me 

I feel like im either meeting people who barely wants to know my name and only wants to fuck 

Or someone who wants a relationship after saying "Hello"

I've kissed my fair share of frogs but one has turned into a prince

No, I'm not in a relationship but I like him and he likes me, were happy

(maybe I'll have another update in the future,til then.....)

xoxo

Brittany Morgan

Monday, June 21, 2021

My Own Priorities

 Lately I've been putting all my focus on myself

Making sure I'm the priority.

Setting more boundaries and working my personal growth

I spend so much time helping  and solving others problems

At the end of the day I was forgetting about myself.

I was constantly building other for their goals and I wasn't focussed on my own goals

This summer I want to take the time to dive head first into Perfectly Imperfect Brittany fulltime

I want to finally give this blog fighting chance to grow and to help people

I'm working on re-branding and giving my social media a facelift

There will be a posting schedule(details later)

I want to have fun and share all the amazing content I have in store for you all

Thank you for always being here

Time for a change

I want my words to matter

Brittany Morgan 

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

On My Own Timeline

 My next move will be a big move

I haven't decided when and where yet but I will soon

I finally am on a career path that will put me right back or near where I'm from

But is that where I want to move 

That's the only thing that is holding me back from making my decsions

Where do I want to be?

Yes, if i move back i will be closer to friends but I realized I can't base my next moves on others nor speed up my timeline on when I will take the leap

With one friend married and the other living with a signiciant other  I don't have any single girls who wants to do bald headed hoe shit. 

Though Chicago is looking more like the goal I want a fun area or be near a fun area to go out make new friends and still see my sisters when they're free

I feel like over past 10 years my decisons have been made out of fear, pain, sadness and others timelines

I won't do that again 

Stay Tuned

More to come soon

xoxo

Brittany Morgan 

Wednesday, February 3, 2021

Love Don't Live Here Anymore

Love

Sometimes I laugh at the thought of it 

There are so many reasons why I hesitate when it comes to love

 It started by watching my parents marriage. I don't remember them being happy.

 Everything and everyone else was more important to Dad than us.

 I remember him disappearing on weekends

 I had no idea where he was going when he wasn’t around until he took me to a cousin's house one week day

 I thought it was weird because it was in the hood in Chicago and he never wanted us in that environment especially after dark

 So I was watching all the kids because all the adults went to the basement to watch tv

  They left a baby there and she started crying so went to kitchen to grab her a bottle the fridge

The fridge was right next to the stairs to the basement and I look down and see my father kissing this random as woman.

 I ran to the back porch in shock and called my grandma ( my dads mother) and told her what I saw and she couldn’t believe it.

 But she told me I need to tell my mom. And after collecting myself for a moment before I called my mom, my dad rushed out where I was.

He slapped me and told me he hated me and told me I ruined our family.

  Of course I still told my mother and shit went down hill from there

 He still went away every weekend but I now knew where he was.

 My mom had a car and he didn’t and he would threaten to kick her out the house if she didn’t take him to work (it was dad’s parents house they had moved to Georgia)

 My mama saved all the money she could and one weekend he left we moved out.

 We got all the big stuff and majority of all the other things  and left.

 But we forgot our book bags for school so we went Monday morning because he would’ve been at work by then.

 We got there and he moved in his girlfriend ( the woman I saw him kissing) and her two kids. 

Though this isn't the full set of stories, there are so many more sub stories but I am not here to air out their dirty laundry but some stories really shaped my life and how I look at things

xoxo

Brittany Morgan 


Monday, February 1, 2021

The Love Of A Friend

 Ashley

I met Ashley freshman year of high school



When we first met we didn't like each other ( stupid teenage minds)

Over time we gravitate more to each other



We had our little friend group but Ashley was my person 

She was the one I could truly be myself with



And after high school we were the only two standing from our friend group





I am so thankful for Ashley

Lord knows I have a hard time showing my emotions but Ashley always knew when something was wrong

Our friendship hasn't alway been rainbow and sunshine but we worked through the storms because we love each other

I can't believe it has been 16 years of friendship

I never let anyone in that much to even think that I would have a friendship that would last this long. 

We helped each other through some dark and painful time 

We've also been there to celebrate many milestones

Ashley is getting married in a couple of months



She has met this amazing man, I am so happy for the both of them 

Watching my best friend fall in love is truly a beautiful thing

I got watch her grow into this amazing woman and soon an amazing wife and mother 



I thank God for her every day 

I'm excited to see where God takes our friendships and the many more milestones we have to walk through


xoxo

Brittany Morgan




Friday, January 8, 2021

Edge Naturale: Follicle Enhancer

 Disclosure: I was sent this product by Edge Naturale to try and review. Below are my actual results and my honest opinion.




My hair journey has been an interesting one. My hair has always been falling out dry, brittle nothing seemed to work until I started using Edge Naturale. A huge spot in my head that is usually mostly bald has started to grow back all thanks to Edge Naturale Follicle Enhancer. Using Edge Naturale has been a big game changer for me. I love that it is a one product systems which is great when you alway on the go it definitely helps cut down my hair day time. I always found myself using 6 or 7 product on my patches with hope of them growing back. ( they never worked) . I feel comfortable knowing the ingredients in Edge Naturale are safe and I know actually what I’m using. Recently I decided to cut my hair off, so all my hair is the same length of my patches so it all can grow together. I'm excited to see this product work on my hair. I usually don't like scented products but im in love with the peppermint scent that stands out and the tingling sensation feels great on my scalp.Edge Naturale has a great system for their long time user if you decide to pick the subscription you'll get 20% off, that's an amazing deal. Choosing to accept Edge Naturale  was the best decision I've made. When I first got the email I went straight to their social media and seeing nothing but all shades of women that look like me I knew I had to take this opportunity. I'm grateful to Edge Naturale for giving me the opportunity to try their product and I look forward to working with them in the future.





Saturday, January 2, 2021

Year Of Me: Healing From A Bad Friendship

Last year I spent most of the year focused on others 

I spent way too much of my time worried about a friendship when I should have thought about myself.

I learned to be my own best friend. That situation brought up so many issues that I had that I needed to work on.

I know I'm a damn good friend in the future when I feel like someone no longer wants me around I need to be at peace and let them go 

I was so worried about her not including me in her life and feeling  abandon that I lost track of what was really important MYSELF

I don't blame her for everything that happened between us

I should have communicated on how I was feeling instead of lashing out on twitter. 

I should have set more boundaries with her

I was there even when I shouldn't have

One night I asked her to hang out but she told me she just wanted to chill at home which was cool because I have those days as well 

But later that evening I got a call asking to walk her dog because she was called into work.

Confused  on why she couldn't walk her own dog I found out she went out with her other friends

The petty in me wanted to say no and tell her to ask one of the people she was with to walk her dog but I wanted to see her pup because at that point I hadn't seen her in weeks.

That happened so many times I would want to do something but she would say she was too tired and wanted to stay home but then turn up in my complex with her other friend

That shit hurt

I also learned that I need to express to people what I  need in a friend.

I can't be the only one planning outings and when we hang out. 

That was definitely our issue

I was always asking to hang out, always planning things

And when I stopped our friendship did as well

I heard from her less and less 

I felt like if I wasn't offering a free meal I didn't see her 

I had never felt broken from a friendship

I felt like I gave so much of myself and it wasn't appreciated

I had to remind myself to put me first and not care what others do

Though since then my friend and I have worked on a better friendship I definitely look at things differently and learned so much from that process.

I learned that it's ok to say no.

I often overplay my position in people’s lives

I used to think it was because I had such a big giving heart, but now I’m understanding I lack boundaries

I’m always going above and beyond for those I love and when it’s not returned I find myself in my feelings

I don't have to alway be there and do things for people when it draining to me mentally and physically

I realize I give way too much of my time and energy 

I've always been the one to help even when I don't want to but I always show up with a smile on my face and do it anyways.

Even though I was still in the thick of my pain I still helped organize a birthday party and big zoom gathering for her 

And the crazy thing is the friend she was always with ( the one she basically dropped me for) originally was going  to plan something for her birthday but of course she didn't

As an outsider to that friendship I noticed the other girl really didn't care about her

It was definitely a one-sided friendship with them but my friend didn't see it 

My friend took her on a Law school visit with her and she thought getting high was the right thing to do basically turning it into a party for herself 

That situation hurt me so much because I was the one helping her study for her LSAT and giving her the practice test

We had always talked about me going with her and when the time came around I wasn't even a thought

Sitting her now in January we are friends

How? I don't know?

Covid?

Her "friend" dropping her like a bad habit?

Who knows!

It must have been God because I did not see this friendship lasting past March with the way these were going 

Am I still mad? No

Hurt? Yes

But the love I have for her is what kept and keeps me willing to work on bettering our friendship

Though we will never be friends like before but we have an opportunity for a better friendship


Lesson Learned

xoxo 

Brittany Morgan