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Saturday, January 2, 2021

Year Of Me: Healing From A Bad Friendship

Last year I spent most of the year focused on others 

I spent way too much of my time worried about a friendship when I should have thought about myself.

I learned to be my own best friend. That situation brought up so many issues that I had that I needed to work on.

I know I'm a damn good friend in the future when I feel like someone no longer wants me around I need to be at peace and let them go 

I was so worried about her not including me in her life and feeling  abandon that I lost track of what was really important MYSELF

I don't blame her for everything that happened between us

I should have communicated on how I was feeling instead of lashing out on twitter. 

I should have set more boundaries with her

I was there even when I shouldn't have

One night I asked her to hang out but she told me she just wanted to chill at home which was cool because I have those days as well 

But later that evening I got a call asking to walk her dog because she was called into work.

Confused  on why she couldn't walk her own dog I found out she went out with her other friends

The petty in me wanted to say no and tell her to ask one of the people she was with to walk her dog but I wanted to see her pup because at that point I hadn't seen her in weeks.

That happened so many times I would want to do something but she would say she was too tired and wanted to stay home but then turn up in my complex with her other friend

That shit hurt

I also learned that I need to express to people what I  need in a friend.

I can't be the only one planning outings and when we hang out. 

That was definitely our issue

I was always asking to hang out, always planning things

And when I stopped our friendship did as well

I heard from her less and less 

I felt like if I wasn't offering a free meal I didn't see her 

I had never felt broken from a friendship

I felt like I gave so much of myself and it wasn't appreciated

I had to remind myself to put me first and not care what others do

Though since then my friend and I have worked on a better friendship I definitely look at things differently and learned so much from that process.

I learned that it's ok to say no.

I often overplay my position in people’s lives

I used to think it was because I had such a big giving heart, but now I’m understanding I lack boundaries

I’m always going above and beyond for those I love and when it’s not returned I find myself in my feelings

I don't have to alway be there and do things for people when it draining to me mentally and physically

I realize I give way too much of my time and energy 

I've always been the one to help even when I don't want to but I always show up with a smile on my face and do it anyways.

Even though I was still in the thick of my pain I still helped organize a birthday party and big zoom gathering for her 

And the crazy thing is the friend she was always with ( the one she basically dropped me for) originally was going  to plan something for her birthday but of course she didn't

As an outsider to that friendship I noticed the other girl really didn't care about her

It was definitely a one-sided friendship with them but my friend didn't see it 

My friend took her on a Law school visit with her and she thought getting high was the right thing to do basically turning it into a party for herself 

That situation hurt me so much because I was the one helping her study for her LSAT and giving her the practice test

We had always talked about me going with her and when the time came around I wasn't even a thought

Sitting her now in January we are friends

How? I don't know?

Covid?

Her "friend" dropping her like a bad habit?

Who knows!

It must have been God because I did not see this friendship lasting past March with the way these were going 

Am I still mad? No

Hurt? Yes

But the love I have for her is what kept and keeps me willing to work on bettering our friendship

Though we will never be friends like before but we have an opportunity for a better friendship


Lesson Learned

xoxo 

Brittany Morgan







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