Saturday, December 28, 2019

Decade Recap

This decade was rough.

From my mother being diagnosed with breast cancer(2010) to her passing a few years later ( April 2013). To having to move into my aunt's house right after my mother’s passing. Then getting kicked out 7 months while still getting back on track. Moving in with my pastor , which was an amazing blessing. Then finally seeing a small light at the end of my tunnel I got my apartment. I thought things was finally working out for me. Then July 2014 my father passed away. I used my last bit of money to pay my uncle to take me to Georgia for his funeral (and 4 hours after the funeral he said we had to go back to Illinois, I wasn’t even in Georgia for 24 hours). That’s a whole other story, maybe one day I’ll tell it. After getting back from Georgia I felt things was getting worst everyday. The job I had lined up was no longer available to me. How could I pay rent? Pay utilities? Or eat? My savings was getting lower and lower, I had to start selling things to pay the rent. My Aunt and  two cousins moved into my one bedroom apartment that I shared with my brother. And my anxiety and depression was at its highest point. I was applying to jobs like crazy but still no luck. All I asked my aunt to do was provide food for the home and you would’ve thought I asked her to pay all bills. So she bought groceries once and then after only bought her and children take out. I was livid, I was selling all my things to pay every bill and she couldn’t even pay for food. I would’ve been happy with ramen but I guess that was too much. After venting to my friend for weeks about what I was going through shit hit the fan. She told my aunt about how I was feeling and my aunt felt attacked. Words was exchanged and they ended up moving out that night. She moved in with her sister ( my aunt) who had 5 bedroom house 5 minutes away. 

I was now all alone because by this time my brother was back at his university. I was at the darkest place of my life, I had no family it was just me in this apartment I could no longer afford. If it wasn’t for my best friend having her aunt to hire me for random jobs she needed done I would have starved. I made $60 last for a month of groceries. I had a car but I couldn’t afford the gas to put in it. My amazing friend Jamie would pick me up every Sunday for church and would take me to the dollar tree, Aldi and Wal-Mart to get my groceries for the week. God blessed me with some amazing Angels without them I honestly think I would be dead now. Thinking back on the apartment and what I was mentally going through I am surprised  didn’t commit suicide. God got me through some really dark days. Some days I would just lay there become I felt defeated, I would look out the window watching the day go back , sunrise to sunset. Of course I got evicted, thankfully my church paid for a few months of a storage unit and a train ride to move to the town my brother lived in. After getting here I got a job and have worked there ever since. As much as my job gets on my nerves it has been a major blessing.

 I lost ones the loved the most ( my mama, daddy, granny and two friends in 2019). I was at my lowest moments of my life. Now I’ve gained new friendship, traveled, new experiences and love. I’ve grown so much from the hard times ( and I didn’t even tell it all). I’ve grown so much closer to God. I am nothing without him. I know I have a bigger purpose in life because I am still here. I’m excited to see what God has I store for me this new decade.

xoxo 
Britttany

Sunday, December 15, 2019

2019: A Year Of Healing

2019 has been a major healing year.
I felt myself potentially going down the rabbit hole again. I was toxic to myself and allowing toxic people  to affect my life. At end of 2018 I cut ties with the only man I’ve ever loved. On the outside I looked like this strong independent woman but on the inside I was broken. I gained so much weight and was secretly drinking a lot. I felt alone even when surrounded by others.
 I keep a lot to myself because I truly hate venting to friends. Too many times I’ve vented and felt regret instantly. Some may think I’m closed off but I’ve been burned too many times after telling someone my business. I’ve had “family” throw things in my face after telling them how I felt about something. 
I noticed I didn’t know how to let out my feelings.For the longest I would hold things in until I couldn’t anymore and ended up lashing out at people. 
My life saver came to me in August, Nola. Nola is a beagle / lab mix I adopted from a local rescue. I instantly feel in love with her. Nola first day home she went straight to her bed and laid down, I couldn’t help it I cried. I finally was feeling pure joy and happiness for the first time in a while but that moment went away once I got laughed at by the ones around me for showing my emotions. 
In August I also started therapy, something I haven’t done since my freshman year of college (2008). Therapy has been a major life saver for me. I’m no where near fully healed but I’m on the right path. I’m processing things I would normally put into a little box. I’ve also started taking anti-depressant, something I always told myself I would never do. I thought I could pray the depression and anxiety away when God was actually leading me to something that can help. I’m in a better place than I was January 1st and I thank God for that daily. 2020 I see more healing, growth, love and peace.


xoxo 
Brittany Morgan 

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Birthday Wishlist: 2019

Last year I waited too late to post my wish list for my birthday and Christmas, this year I decided to be more proactive and post my list a month early
Year 30 will be full of  Self-care, self- love and growing closer to God.
I have many things I want to carry out in year 30

MY BIRTHDAY WISH LIST 

1. A Journal Bible with the matching tabs
My current bible was gifted to me by my grandmother with lessons geared towards a young girl, its time for a slight upgrade.

2. Gift-Cards 
People think gift card are a lazy gift but i personally love them. Sometimes there are things I want but I talk myself out of it due to cost or need. 
( Torrid, Ulta, Lane Bryant, Sephora, Etsy,Target, Hobby Lobby,Michael's)

This is one of my favorite things that sephora does. You get a box of fragrance samples to see which one you like the best. After you pick one there is a certificate in the box to return and you pick up the full size bottle 

4. A Self-Care Box
A care package with face mask, candles, wine, candy, movies and etc would be nice

I need to practice more looks and the makeup charts would help

I kept my list short and simple
I'm not expecting my friends to get me everything but I love to give options

xoxo 
Brittany Morgan 

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Planning My Birthday Weekend!

This year for my I wanted to relax, eat some good food,a spend time with friends
But I didn't want to do any of this at home.
My birthday twin ( my friend Angelique)and I decided to rent out two cabins and do just that.
Now I'm trying to plan a very glamorous but low key week
My focus now is the favor bags
I want to give each guest a little gift as a thank you for going out of their way and celebrating our birthdays with us
The theme for this weekend is Self Care
I want to use a lot rose gold, pink golds and burgundy
I've found so much inspiration on pinterest




It definitely won't be this big but I want to recreate this on a smaller scale but same impact 



I also have some fun snack ideas 
I want to make sure the guest have something to munch on 
I would love to turn all the treats rose gold but I can't so pink will have to do 







My birthday twin and I have so many ideas for this weekend
Soon we will be narrowing down our final decisions 
 Decor pieces have been coming in, I'm excited to see how this all will come together 

xoxo
Brittany Morgan 



Sunday, September 1, 2019

September Goals

Happy September!
The summer is almost at the end
The fall air is slowly blowing in 




1. Plan My Birthday 
With my 30th birthday next month I wanted to do something relaxing and fun 
My birthday twin/ best friend ( Angelique) and I  are hosting a birthday self care weekend in a cabin
My goal for that weekend is to relax, eat good food, girl talk and fall activities. 

2. Grow My Instagram 
I want to make a bigger presence on my social media
I always come up with new and fun ideas but never post them out of fear
I want to take this month to showcase some of my talents and ideas

3. Have At least 2 Self-Care Days
I need more ME time

4. Plan And Shoot Birthday Photos
I love seeing the adult birthday photos and I would love to have some for my birthday
I can't wait to share them with you

What are some goals you have this month?

xoxo
Brittany Morgan  

Saturday, August 3, 2019

My Development Year

I'm in my development year.
This may sound crazy to most but I'm taking to focus solely on me, on my craft
I've been on dating apps for the past couple months and it has been an epic fail
I've attracted the same time of men.
Either the let's get in a relationship after hello men or lets fuck without the hello
After many encounters like this I think its my ora, my vibe that is attracting these type of men to me
I'm deleting all my apps ,they are no longer needed.
I really need to work on myself
I need to work on the woman I deserve to be
I hold myself back a lot out of fear of the unknown.
I've held myself back from my personal growth
I've come up with so many ideas
Sitting here at almost 30 I need focus on myself 
At times I focus all my energy on others and helping them and I leave myself with nothing 
 I need to take a leap and major changes in my life
My focus now is my health, happiness and peace


Thursday, August 1, 2019

I AM NOT A BBW !!

I am NOT  a BBW 
 I would rather you call me fat before you call me a BBW
For those that don't know what a BBW is , it stands for Big Beautiful Women 
Some of you are you are probably wondering " Why wouldn't you want to be called that ??"
BBW is mostly used in the sex industry and most use it as a term for a sexual fetish
I not here for your fetish pleasures .
Some woman take that a term of endearment
I take it as an insult
I am a person
Yes I'm bigger
But I am not here for you to objectify and dehumanize
I don't want your negative attention
I don't want you to try to get with me because of the size of my body
I'm not your sex object
I totally understand some people have a " preferences "
But please keep that away from me .
I want you to fall in love with my mind
and not just talk to me because you want to bury your face in my ass

xoxo
Brittany