2019 has been a major healing year.
I felt myself potentially going down the rabbit hole again. I was toxic to myself and allowing toxic people to affect my life. At end of 2018 I cut ties with the only man I’ve ever loved. On the outside I looked like this strong independent woman but on the inside I was broken. I gained so much weight and was secretly drinking a lot. I felt alone even when surrounded by others.
I keep a lot to myself because I truly hate venting to friends. Too many times I’ve vented and felt regret instantly. Some may think I’m closed off but I’ve been burned too many times after telling someone my business. I’ve had “family” throw things in my face after telling them how I felt about something.
I noticed I didn’t know how to let out my feelings.For the longest I would hold things in until I couldn’t anymore and ended up lashing out at people.
My life saver came to me in August, Nola. Nola is a beagle / lab mix I adopted from a local rescue. I instantly feel in love with her. Nola first day home she went straight to her bed and laid down, I couldn’t help it I cried. I finally was feeling pure joy and happiness for the first time in a while but that moment went away once I got laughed at by the ones around me for showing my emotions.
In August I also started therapy, something I haven’t done since my freshman year of college (2008). Therapy has been a major life saver for me. I’m no where near fully healed but I’m on the right path. I’m processing things I would normally put into a little box. I’ve also started taking anti-depressant, something I always told myself I would never do. I thought I could pray the depression and anxiety away when God was actually leading me to something that can help. I’m in a better place than I was January 1st and I thank God for that daily. 2020 I see more healing, growth, love and peace.
xoxo
Brittany Morgan
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