Saturday, December 28, 2019

Decade Recap

This decade was rough.

From my mother being diagnosed with breast cancer(2010) to her passing a few years later ( April 2013). To having to move into my aunt's house right after my mother’s passing. Then getting kicked out 7 months while still getting back on track. Moving in with my pastor , which was an amazing blessing. Then finally seeing a small light at the end of my tunnel I got my apartment. I thought things was finally working out for me. Then July 2014 my father passed away. I used my last bit of money to pay my uncle to take me to Georgia for his funeral (and 4 hours after the funeral he said we had to go back to Illinois, I wasn’t even in Georgia for 24 hours). That’s a whole other story, maybe one day I’ll tell it. After getting back from Georgia I felt things was getting worst everyday. The job I had lined up was no longer available to me. How could I pay rent? Pay utilities? Or eat? My savings was getting lower and lower, I had to start selling things to pay the rent. My Aunt and  two cousins moved into my one bedroom apartment that I shared with my brother. And my anxiety and depression was at its highest point. I was applying to jobs like crazy but still no luck. All I asked my aunt to do was provide food for the home and you would’ve thought I asked her to pay all bills. So she bought groceries once and then after only bought her and children take out. I was livid, I was selling all my things to pay every bill and she couldn’t even pay for food. I would’ve been happy with ramen but I guess that was too much. After venting to my friend for weeks about what I was going through shit hit the fan. She told my aunt about how I was feeling and my aunt felt attacked. Words was exchanged and they ended up moving out that night. She moved in with her sister ( my aunt) who had 5 bedroom house 5 minutes away. 

I was now all alone because by this time my brother was back at his university. I was at the darkest place of my life, I had no family it was just me in this apartment I could no longer afford. If it wasn’t for my best friend having her aunt to hire me for random jobs she needed done I would have starved. I made $60 last for a month of groceries. I had a car but I couldn’t afford the gas to put in it. My amazing friend Jamie would pick me up every Sunday for church and would take me to the dollar tree, Aldi and Wal-Mart to get my groceries for the week. God blessed me with some amazing Angels without them I honestly think I would be dead now. Thinking back on the apartment and what I was mentally going through I am surprised  didn’t commit suicide. God got me through some really dark days. Some days I would just lay there become I felt defeated, I would look out the window watching the day go back , sunrise to sunset. Of course I got evicted, thankfully my church paid for a few months of a storage unit and a train ride to move to the town my brother lived in. After getting here I got a job and have worked there ever since. As much as my job gets on my nerves it has been a major blessing.

 I lost ones the loved the most ( my mama, daddy, granny and two friends in 2019). I was at my lowest moments of my life. Now I’ve gained new friendship, traveled, new experiences and love. I’ve grown so much from the hard times ( and I didn’t even tell it all). I’ve grown so much closer to God. I am nothing without him. I know I have a bigger purpose in life because I am still here. I’m excited to see what God has I store for me this new decade.

xoxo 
Britttany

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